I Love You, Too!

“Students don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

—John C. Maxwell, American author and leadership expert

I have never been much of a hugger. In past years, the sentence "I love you" did not roll easily off of my tongue. As a young teacher, I was taught to make sure that there was a clear line drawn in the classroom. So, I mastered the one-armed hug, the high-five, and the fist bump. 

And as most of my stories go, there was this kid...

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was walking down our long hallway, and then I heard it. It was a phrase I wasn't sure how to respond to. Definitely not something I learned about in my teaching classes. This student said, "I love you, Mrs. Neill." I'll be honest. I didn't know what to do or say, so I said, "thank you." Wowza. Thank you? How lame was that?

Many students have gone days, weeks, months, and sadly even years without hearing "I love you." And when this student said, "I love you, Mrs. Neill," I hesitated. But you see, I do love my students. I love them like my own children. I also know that my students, my children, are often hurting. This student in particular was very genuine when he said, "I love you" - he meant it. Why was it so hard for me to say it back?

I cannot begin to count how much I think about the power of my words. I know how authentic they must be. The must be safe. They must be affirming. They must be encouraging. They can never be forced, for you cannot kid a kidder. Words like:

• I am so happy you are here!
• I missed you while you were gone.
• You are so important to this class.
• I'm listening.
• I'm sorry.

I am intentional about these messages. When students walk into my classroom, I study their body language and posture. I look to see if a student changes seats from the day before and what may have caused that change. I try to figure out what it is that students need to hear so that they have the confidence to put their thoughts into writing. I work to foster a classroom environment that thrives on discussion and collaboration. I do these things because I believe that they just as important as the content I teach. 

And so now, when this student says, "I love you Mrs. Neill," I can say, without hesitation, "I love you, too." And I mean it. I often hear my colleagues say the same thing to students as they leave their classes. I think about how many colleagues have hugged me in the last week and told me they loved me. We are a family. We have created a place that is safe to take chances, to fail, and to get back up and try our best again until we succeed. Every student and teacher should be so lucky.

I love you, too -- these words cost me nothing. However, to this student, who has taught me more than any book ever could, those words may be just what he needs to hear. And I would be lying if I said that I didn't need to hear it, too.