I'm Not Ready

On Monday, my sophomores will turn in their research papers.  We have been working on this papers for about 4 weeks now.  This past Friday I said to my students, "If you have used class time wisely, and have met our due dates up to this point, you should be sitting pretty." One of my big, tough, Ferdinand-the-Bull students replied, "Well I FEEL pretty" - and laughter followed. It was at this time that I thought to myself, "I'm not ready."

*I'm not ready to be done with 1st hour's random outbursts of music and moments of honesty. I can always count on a good start to the day with this bunch. We are a class of 13 girls and ONE very, very brave boy. 

*I am not ready to for the conversations to end after 2nd hour with a few students who always stick around a minute or two after the bell. These small conversations mean so much on days when I am questioning my effectiveness as a teacher.

*I'm not ready for silence that will follow the passionate and opinionated comments of my 4th hour - no doubt these kids will move mountains. Creativity flows from them; it is in the air they breathe.

*I'm not ready for my laid-back, good ol' boy and girl 5th hour to end - what a little family we have become. Singing to Bon Jovi, the Beatles, and Lynard Skynard has become a norm. Respecting our very different opinions and truly learning from each other is what makes me most proud.

*I'm not ready for my 6th hour's variety of learning styles to move on to junior year. These kiddos have learned to take risks in their reading and writing - seeking out my help on an individual basis. They are working, always working, to get better each day.

*I'm not ready for my dynamic, ornery, and energetic 7th hour to stand by the door and wait for that last bell to ring. They keep my on my toes, and at the end of the day I wouldn't have it any other way.

Don't get me wrong. I am tired. My brain hurts. My classroom is a mess. My house is even messier. I have a pile of laundry 3 feet tall. My kids have eaten PB&J more times that I can count in the last few weeks. Not to mention I am not sure the last time my husband and I went on a date. But I am not ready to be done with these kids. Have I taught them enough about English and life? Are they readers? Are they becoming learners instead of students? Do they know how much I care about them? Have I told them they are important? I have seven days left. S.E.V.E.N. - quite frankly, it's not enough.

I am excited to see what lies ahead for them.  Such talent, such wisdom, such kindness. I am excited to see what students walk through my door next year, but for now, I will hold on to these seven days with all of my might because I'm not ready.

What Lesson Should Students Learn?

This week my Honors Freshman English students completed their research papers, and they were to submit them online at 8:15 a.m. on Tuesday morning.  While I am ecstatic that 100% of my papers were turned in on Tuesday, nearly 30% of those papers were considered late.

"Mrs. Neill, I can't find one of my note cards."

"Mrs. Neill, I closed my computer before my paper uploaded, so it didn't upload on time, but I promise I didn't make any changes."

"Mrs. Neill I printed my paper instead of turning it in online, is it still late?"

"Mrs. Neill, I only had to fix my title, and I forgot to resubmit my paper."

True statements from some really great kids that tugged at my heart strings, but the fact of the matter was that the papers WERE late.  What a horrible feeling for them, but they had to own it.  They had to know what that felt like.  It is through failure and missed opportunities that we truly learn - we remember that bitter taste in our mouths.  But you see, this is where my struggle began.  We had worked on these research papers for 6 weeks.  It was as much a learning process as it was a paper, and I hated the fact that students would be penalized 10% for turning in a paper late, even if I could go in and prove that they did not make any changes to their work after the 8:15 a.m. deadline.  

The best collaboration happens in the hallway, so I walked down to talk to Mrs. Moler, one of our awesome science teachers, and asked her opinion.  I told her about the late papers, but then I proceeded to tell her about my idea.  I wanted them to feel that "failure" for a day, but I wanted them to have the opportunity to reflect and earn the credit back.  I wanted them to answer two questions:

What thoughts or emotions did you feel once you realized that your paper was late?  Why?  Please explain two thoughts or emotions in your response?

What do you currently do to remember when tasks need to be completed? Is there anything you would do differently? Explain.

Mrs. Moler agreed with my idea, but then she added one more thought that turned into this question:

List three instances, outside of school assignments, when firm deadlines will result in negative outcomes.  Talk to other teachers or your parents if you are struggling to think of examples.  What would you possibly miss out on if this happens in the future?

What is it that I want my students to learn? I want them to know my room is a safe place to fail or make mistakes, but with failure and mistakes comes consequences. As a result, those three questions are due in an essay by Monday. My students will think about their actions, and they will most likely not turn in late projects again. I hope they will look back at this (while they are not happy about it now), and realize that this was much more beneficial to them than taking a 10% deduction for their papers being 3 minutes late. There will come a point in time when they realize that late means late, and that will result in a loss of an opportunity. But you've got to know what failure tastes like to know the sweetness of success. However, success may have to come with a little more work.

The lesson in all of this will be bigger for some of them than they can process right now, but this is the lesson that I want them to learn. What does an arbitrary 10% off teach them? I am interested to see what they write about, but must of all, I am glad they are learning.

It Takes a Village

This fall, my husband I decided to become foster parents (definitely a decision that deserves its own blog post). Anyone who has gone through this process knows that there are a lot of hoops to jump through to make sure that your home is ready for a foster child. One of those hoops is called the TIPS-MAPPS class.  It is a 10-week, 30-hour class in which prospective foster parents are asked to learn more about how trauma affects brain development and decision making. It also prompts future foster parents to discuss if the decision to foster a child is in the best interests of their families and if they are willing to do what is best for a child to help reintegrate him into his original family or prepare to be adopted. This is definitely not a decision to be entered into lightly - it is life changing for all involved. Most people have heard and used the phrase, "It takes a village to raise kids" - but do we truly respect it?

This weekend, as I was skimming through Facebook, I came across this post (I do not know if it is true or if it just fake news. Based on my research, the due to lack of specific names or places, or an original post site, I would put money on the fact that it is a propaganda piece meant to divide those who read it - in which case it succeeded):

AND IT MADE ME SO MAD!

This made me mad because it's making a division between the "haves and have-nots"; this made me mad because teachers are sharing and "liking" it. This supports a notion that only children who act a certain way deserve to be educated. There is nothing about this that says, "Hey parents, let's work together to guarantee your child's future success."  This letter says, "It's all your fault." Not sure about you, but as a parent, that doesn't make me want to partner up and work together with a school.

If there is one thing I have learned during this foster care journey, it is not to place judgement or blame. I know that my foster son's mom loves him. I know that she did her best to teach my son manners and rules. I know that she did the best that she knew how to do as a mom with four young kids and very little education. I know that her intentions were always in the right place. I also know that she was just trying to survive each day and keep her kids safe. I know that in doing so her children were sometimes placed in sketchy situations because she could not afford daycare during the day and had to work 2nd shift to make ends meet. I know that she never meant for him to be in situations where he got hurt. But you see, this is where I can step outside of the box and really analyze my feelings.  She did the best she knew to do with the knowledge that she had. She is not a bad person. She did, however, make bad choices - because she didn't know any different and she did not have the resources to be successful. 

There is a barrier between families who struggle economically and the schools their children attend - that barrier is built out of fear and judgement. I am not condoning the abuse that many children face. I am not saying it is okay for parents to abandon or neglect their children. I am not saying any of those things. What I am saying is that the finger-pointing needs to stop. People do the best they can with what they know - and no one knows more about children than teachers.

Imagine the difference this letter could have if it read:

Dear Parents, 

We are here for you. We are here to help educate your student BOTH socially and academically. We know that you are trying to teach your kids to use kind words, be truthful, demonstrate manners, and show respect for others. We are not here to judge you, but we would like to help you. We have spent years reading and researching techniques about behavior and manners. We have resources to share. We would like to help you if we can - simple as that.

I am not a perfect parent. My birth son sometimes wears dirty jeans to school without me realizing it. My birth son lied to his teacher even though we stress the importance of telling the truth. My birth son did not have his homework done on time the other night because we were too busy to get to it. And my birth son's mom is a teacher. I am a teacher, and I struggle, too! I am glad that his teacher is part of my team, my village. I am thankful that she knows how important my son is to me. If we hope to change the feelings towards education - we have to start changing the way we treat each other. We have to take the barrier away between parents and teachers. This is not a "them vs. me" situation. A chid's parent is my strongest teammate because it takes a village - which is why this rhetoric must stop. 

How Do You Learn In a Room Like That?

As a new teacher, I always felt a need to make sure my students knew I was the teacher. It's almost like a drew an invisible line in my classroom, and I remember telling students that my chair and desk were off limits. What I didn't realize is that by saying those things, I was inadvertantly making myself off limits to some of them.

In the last month, with input from my students, I have transformed my classroom into a flexible seating classroom.  In lieu of desks, we now have futons, video chairs, lawn chairs, exercise balls, and floor chairs. I might also add that I teach high school, and yes, my kiddos were super excited about the exercise balls the first day they were in class. One of my sophomore boys walked into the room, and he asked, "What is this glorious awesomeness I see? Do we get to sit on those!?"  Gosh, it is crazy to me that a $7 exercise ball can bring this kind of joy to a student.

(Edit: my room really isn't as big as it looks; I had to use panoramic view to get it all in. I might add that getting rid of desks really opened up room.) 

Prior to this leap, I was a 50/50 flexible seating classroom; I had comfy seats that lined the back of the room. I kept the 24 desks in rows for "instructional" time, and once it was time for individual or group work, students moved to more comfortable seating. Before deciding to jump ALL IN with flexible seating, I polled my students.  I asked them which type of seating they preferred.  I wanted their opinions before I changed seating options.

I also asked them how flexible seating would help them learn. A few of their responses were:

The desks and tables are a designated sign of a rigid classroom and portrays the classroom as a place of frustration and anxiety, but with a more free, flexible seating arrangement, students could shed this stereotype. In a flexible seating classrooms students would feel less obliged to follow structured class and would be able to learn more at their pace. (I promise I did not revise this answer - wowza loving the thinking this student showed!)

It would help us feel more comfortable to talk and have discussions. (Check!)

I'm a person who likes to move or fidget and the chairs would let me move/fidget around while doing my work. (You know this student; this is an easy way to help him/her out!)

I think I'd learn just as easy as I do with a desk; it probably wouldn't effect me much. (Love the honesty here!)

Finally, I asked how it would improve the classroom environment. They responded by saying:

I'm not a student who regularly uses flexible seating because I'm more comfortable at a desk, but I think flexible seating opens up the room and doesn't make it seem crowded.

Even though I don't use them I think it helps the rest of my classmates learn better. (Again, loving these honest opinions!)

It makes it more comfortable, and I focus better when I am comfortable.

It gives a more relaxed feel to the classroom that helps us to feel at home. (And for some kids, school is the most relaxed/safest place they are all day!)

It makes the classroom feel more friendly and inviting. (WELCOME! Now let's learn!)

In order for this to work, the #1 aspect of a classroom that had to be established is a respect for learning.  My students know that it is my job to help them become life-long readers and writers.  They know it is their job to take ownership of their learning and optimize their time in class as much as possible. If those expectations aren't clear, I could see how this type of seating might cause some issues.

I can say, without hesitation, that flexible seating has single-handedly changed the environment in my classroom. Kids are happy to walk in my room. They are comfortable throughout class. They have the right to move to a new seat if they feel sleepy after lunch or if a classmate is bothering them. They know that I will move them (or move to them) if they choose a spot that is not in their best interests for learning.

So, a few questions have also come up along the way, let me take a minute to address them.

1. How do you teach? How do they take notes? Can they all see the board?

We are fortunate to be a 1:1 school, so every student has his/ her own laptop.  I teach the same way I always have, but the delivery method comes through their computer screens instead of a projector.  If they have room in their laps for a computer, then that is all we need. I might also add, that for my students with visual impairments, this takes away the "differences" they feel each day because they do not have to sit at the front of the room to see the board - their board is right in front of them.  And I do have students who tell me, I learn better by the door or I prefer to sit by myself until we need to do group work.  The kids are honest.  Just ask them what they need.

2. What do you do about tests/ quizzes?

I will be honest, I am starting to move away from a class that uses 100% traditional tests and quizzes and instead we use project based learning or informal assessment so that I can judge the comprehension in my class and determine which direction to take the lesson. There are times, however, when traditional tests are used.  I bought 30 clip boards for our paper/pencil tests and quizzes.  The kids like it.  If the quiz is online, I simply ask them to turn so that I can see their computer screens.  Finally, I ask them to spread out.  That means that some kids move to the floor, some kids move their chairs, and only 2 kids can sit on the ends of the futons.  We brainstorm solutions to these problems together.

3. How do you keep everyone involved in the conversation and keep the same level of discussion?

It's simple - I don't, and I never have.  In a classroom with desks and rows, I sometimes struggled to get the conversation started (insert cricket sounds); oftentimes, I had 1-2 individuals who refused, no matter what I tried, to talk.  So now, we do a lot of pair-and-share discussion, and then they share it out.  If I feel like a student is struggling or doesn't want to talk to his/her classmate, then it is much easier for me to get to where that student is and then I get to be the partner.  The change in discussion and comments from my students has amazed me.  On Friday, I had students asking questions like: "What is a better way to say the word 'but'?" and "Should I join this sentence with a semi-colon or a comma/Fanboys" and even "I think this first clause sounds weird, can you help me?"  I'll take those conversations over silence any day.

It's not perfect.  Some days it's messy.  Some days my kiddos don't put their chairs or pillows back.  But those some days are few and far between.  What a beautiful mess I'm in - ever changing, constantly moving, but always learning. So the next time a student asks me to sit in my teacher chair, the answer is YES!

He Saw the Light!

One of my favorite quotes as a teacher comes from an amazing educator and learner named Annie Sullivan.  You may not recognize her, but she was the teacher who unlocked communication--ok let's be honest, she unlocked the world--for her student Helen Keller, a young girl who was both deaf and blind.  She said, " My heart is singing for joy this morning. A miracle has happened! The light of understanding has shone upon my pupil's mind, and behold, all things are changed!"

I can say that, today, one of my students saw the light.  Fellow educators know this moment.  It is the moment you hear a student verbalize what it is you have been trying to teach them.  Time stands still for that moment, you breathe it in, let it fill your lungs and heart because this is the very moment that keeps teachers going. You also have to play it cool in front of your students so that you don't lose all credibility with them.  Deep down, you want to run down the hallway and interrupt every class just to share the good news. Yes, it is that exciting!

Today, a student of mine said, "This book is so good! I just want to keep reading!" Another student replied, "Just wait, it gets better!" 

This. This very conversation has been lacking from my classroom and many other ELA classrooms for too long.  We have been treating all reading as literature, when in reality, sometimes reading is just reading.  I'll say it until I am blue in the face, if students aren't reading then teaching the components of a well-written piece of literature will not matter. If we are to create life-long readers, they must first read.  Then, and only then can they appreciate what they are reading as art.

What I find most exciting is that these students were talking about a book that is the first in a series of six books. These two students will most likely read SIX more books!  If those numbers don't get us talking about reading, real reading...then what will?

This student was reading books at a 4th-5th grade complexity level - and that was a great place to start.  But today, this student expressed enjoyment in a book that is on the high school reading level, and it is over 400 pages long. I asked him today how many books he read last year.  ZERO. I appreciated his honesty so much because I knew he didn't want to say it out loud.  I asked him how many books he has read this year; his response was 3-4. This. Is. Huge. People.  Sometimes you have to allow students to start at a level that is comfortable, that holds no fear. Sometimes those are books that they have already read - it is comforting to visit a place near and dear to our hearts, even if we've already read it before. Sometimes we need to build up some self-esteem before students rise up to what they are truly capable of reading - so I ask what's wrong with graphic novels or free verse? Sometimes, those reading hearts in our classrooms are so defeated that they are afraid to start. But you've got to start somewhere because, eventually, they will see the light. This young man saw the light today, and I have no doubt that his future is going to be bright. My heart is singing for joy!

And in case you are curious, this is the book that has them hooked. 

Creating a Lifetime of Reading

This past summer, I came across a book that spoke to me as an educator in an amazing way.  Book Love by Penny Kittle was recommended to me to help me as I researched how to create a culture of reading in my classroom, a way to grow lifelong readers in the short year I had them in class. As I was reading, I found myself having conversations with what I was reading; it was like the author was inside of my brain reaffirming the beliefs I have always had about reading and the lack thereof. I had always struggled with the fact that I knew I had passed book reports as a student without reading the book. I also struggled knowing that after 13 years of teaching, my students were passing my class, quizzes, and tests without really reading, no matter how hard I tried to catch them. Something had to change, and I could not wait until I had the perfect plan to do it.

At the beginning of the year, I asked my students to estimate how many books they read last year.  Out of my 100 students, they estimated that they read 540 books last year.  Shockingly, 55 of them estimated that they read fewer than 3 books, and 17 of my students said that they read ZERO books the previous year. They were what I was as a student: a fake reader.  I read what I had to in order to make an A or B in the class, but I can say that unless the teacher was invested in my success, I was not invested in my assigned reading. 

I am an English major, so I appreciate great literature. I have studied it, researched it, discussed it.  I know and love the content I am required to teach; however, there is a misunderstanding that is not taken into account when choosing this literature.  We are choosing literature that is part of the literary canon, or even a large part of the culture in our country. Those classics are great, but what good does it do to teach this type of literature if students are not reading on their own? If students are not reading on their own, they will not make it through the difficult vocabulary of Edgar Allen Poe or the first four chapters of To Kill a Mockingbird. Furthermore, if students cannot use a library, if they cannot become a critics of books and state what they do or don't like about it, does it really matter if I drill-and-kill the elements of plot? We are assuming that kids ARE reading.  I can tell you that they ARE NOT - no matter how scary my test or quiz might be. Fear does not improve one's desire to read.

I recently saw a teacher comment on a online discussion that she did not have time for independent reading in class - that it was something kids should be doing on their own. If we don't make time for this kind of reading, then what are we making time for?  Are we creating lifelong readers who can think for themselves OR are we creating really good English students who can take good notes over what we tell them to think about a story or poem?

Amazingly, as of 3:30 p.m. on January 23rd, 2017 my students have read 556 books. I am so proud of them! All I have done is given students the first 10 minutes of class every day to read and asked them to complete 10 more minutes of reading outside of class. Reading has become our homework; I try as much as possible to have students complete all other work in class. I have ditched book reports, quote response journals, and projects with their independent reading. Taking away this pressure allows them to read for pleasure and...wait for it...ENJOY what they are reading. It allows them to abandon a book if they don't like it without the fear of a bad grade. It allows them to read graphic novels, free verse novels, and novels from genres they may never normally try. 

This process has not been perfect. I have learned to embrace the messiness of it, and I have modeled that in front of my students.  I think they appreciate the authentic experience we are trying to create together. They are willing to be my reading guinea pigs - I can't think of a better experiment to be a part of as a reader. So, here's to another semester of reading, another semester of learning together, and maybe a lifetime of reading that keeps us connected. 

I See You

Thanksgiving - a time to reflect. A time to give thanks to those who have helped us. A time to look forward to what is to come. I am so thankful every day that I get to teach. I am so lucky to work with my colleagues and students. On Friday, we watched the following video in class. This video was created by my colleagues last year, but I had never taken the time to show it. My students needed to see it because they need to know how important they are.

After watching this video, I gave my classes time to write a thank you to a teacher, any teacher, that has taught them - past or present. Most students grabbed a handful of paper and started writing without hesitation. Well, except for one. One of my amazing students struggled with this assignment. This student has never felt like she could turn to a teacher for help on an assignment or because she was being bullied. She was alone. She is alone at school each day. This realization makes my heart hurt.

This student left my classroom in tears. I followed her out of my room.  I hugged her.  I wiped her hair out of her face.  I held her hand.  I got down on my knees to talk to her so that I could see her face. My intention with this assignment was good. My intention with this assignment was to give students time to reflect.  And foolishly, I assumed that all students had at least one teacher to thank.  

After a few days of running this through my mind, I think that more than anything we have students who just want to be seen. They want to be important to just one person. They want others to see them for who they are - not how they learn or how they act. This student is kind. This student knows she wants to be successful in life. This student is polite and respectful. This student has read a book for the first time in years - and she was proud of herself. But you see, this student does not fit into the typical student box.  And for this, she punishes herself. This difference should be celebrated. She should be celebrated. Friday changed me.

Which students need you to see them, to notice them? This week, take the time to write a note, send an email, or even help them one-on-one with an assignment.  Take time to start the conversation - to really see the person that is in front of you. I look forward to seeing this student each day, but I never told her that. Thank goodness I did not miss that opportunity on Friday. She has been overlooked by countless teachers and adults - and even if this is not the case, this is how she feels. I hope she believed me when I said, "I see you." I will forever be changed because of her. I will work everyday this year to make sure I see her.